There is no humor, no playfulness, and no intrigue. Online dating is extremely competitive, and this email example does absolutely nothing to stand out. The language choice comes across · During your time on st. kitts are some suggestions that can help you write a good earliest email, keeping your own personal design in mind will make sure your personal · First Message Strategy #2: Introduce Yourself With a Twist. If a simple hello seems too safe and risk-free, you can be a little bit more adventurous should you wish. I often · Hello amazingness. You make me smile. That is all. You had me at online now. I want to be the reason you look into your phone and smile. I was more excited to see your Put Your Best Message Forward. Getting started in online dating is all about taking the leap to send that first message, and these introduction lines for dating sites will help you open a ... read more
And finally, we think about it from her perspective -- keeping things both interesting, and upbeat. If she's had a hard day of test taking, offering her an upbeat alternative gives her the chance to escape into your message -- and a date painted as an escape sounds quite inviting too.
Message writing can feel daunting at first, but understand that it's both a skill and an art -- like well nigh everything else. It's something you improve at with time, and it's something that if you remember to apply the fundamental rules of success to it, you'll maximize your chances of doing okay at from the outset.
If you're a message writing novice, I'd suggest setting up some free accounts on online dating sites like PlentyOfFish. com and OKCupid. com and playing around with headline writing headlines are what get women to read your messages and message body writing the body, in conjunction with an engaging or intriguing headline, is what gets you replies.
The lessons you take away from online dating message writing can be readily applied to email writing, texting, even voicemails, phone conversations, and face-to-face interactions. You get pretty rapid feedback -- if women aren't responding, or if they're taking a long time to write back, or if they're writing back but their responses are tepid, you know you've got some revision ahead of you.
And whenever you aren't getting the results you want, take it back to the basics, and ask yourself if you're keeping it short long messages are scary , if you're helping her think is it easy for her to understand you and respond to you? Chase woke up one day in tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends plus plenty of failures along the way , he launched this website.
He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System. SHOW COMMENTS 5 HIDE COMMENTS. It only takes one date to get the girl you want. Best of all, the date's easy to get abd girls love it. Skip to main content. Keep it short, Help her think, and Walk a mile in her shoes.
Talking to Strangers is Different I like to be thorough, and I like to cover all the points. But it's not her. And it's not you, per se -- it's your message. And when you're a stranger, you're neither known nor comfortable. When it comes to message construction, these are your primary considerations: The more time it takes someone to read your message, the more you're asking her to invest.
The more your message makes someone think and rack her brain to respond or figure out what to do next, the more you're asking her to invest. And if you haven't thoroughly streamlined your message by considering how it's going to affect her, you risk forcing her to invest heavily to overcome prejudices or feelings of offense you've elicited in her by saying something clumsy.
What that means for you is this: If a girl passes over your message because it's too long, or too hard to figure out, or asks her to do too much mental footwork, she plainly and simply isn't going to circle back to it later. She's just going to move onto the next message and you'll never know what happened. Spelling Out What Makes a Message Work We'll get into some examples in just a minute. First off, length. What's a good length for your first message to a stranger?
She looked at that and said, "Nuh-uh. They just didn't even bother to read them. Good rules of thumb on message length: The less well she knows you e. On follow-up messages, pretty much never go excessively beyond the length of her last message to you and generally, write just a little bit less.
Visual appearance is key -- you can feel like you're not saying much, but it takes up four paragraphs. Cut it down. There are ways to say more in two short paragraphs than in seven long ones. You don't have to reply to everything. If you're thorough, like I am, there's always the inclination to refer to every single point she raises to ensure she feels understood, but this can lead to excessive length.
Choose the most substantial points, and respond to those. Compare the following short messages: Message 1 Lily, hey. Ted Message 2 Lily, hey. Ted Which message is more likely to get a response? Do these things: Ask simple questions Share simple stories that don't require much analysis Add clear calls to action that are easy to say "yes" to Those three things will improve your reply rates to the messages you send so much you'll want to shake my hand.
What a Good Online Dating Message Looks Like I'll note that while I don't talk about online dating a whole lot on here, I used to do it quite a bit as a supplement to meeting women in the real world. You'll want to keep in mind our three rules from the beginning of this post: 1. Keep it short, 2. Help her think, and 3. Walk a mile in her shoes. That means long, detailed first messages are out. So it's got to be short. So it's got to be easy and it's got to help her think.
She's probably reading a ton of messages from men -- it's an online dating website, after all -- and she's hearing a lot of the same thing -- a lot of: You're so beautiful.
I think we should go out. and a lot of: Hi Casey, my name's Charlie. You seem nice. What do you do for fun? and a lot of: If you like this picture of my dong, there's a LOT more where that came from. Call me and let's set it up for a hot, sweaty night of ass-smacking ridiculousness.
It's only bad until you're initiated ; So, found it cool that you're an artist as well. Anyway, cool to meet you. Here's another potential opening salvo: Headline: Whatever you do, make sure you don't open this message Message: Stella, hi. A good first email to a girl looks like this: Gina, hi~ Great meeting you yesterday. Talk to you soon~ Roy Note that, again, we keep it relatively short, though not so short as an online dating message since you're already familiar with this girl at this point and she's familiar with you.
Learning to Write Killer Messages Every Time Message writing can feel daunting at first, but understand that it's both a skill and an art -- like well nigh everything else. Once again, those fundamental message-writing rules are: Keep it short, Help her think, and Walk a mile in her shoes. Happy messaging, and see you on here again. Chase Amante Author Chase woke up one day in tired of being alone.
Getting started in online dating is all about taking the leap to send that first message, and these introduction lines for dating sites will help you open a conversation. Keep the message short and to the point, but include some of your own personality or interests to give it a personalized feel.
Basic First Message Examples Just as you would introduce yourself to someone in real life, start with a form of "hello" and the short version of why you're reaching out. Hey there, stranger, wanna become acquaintances? Hello, it's nice to virtually meet you! Insert handshake or high five emoji. Hi, are you up for the challenge of communicating awkwardly through text? What's up? If you're interested in chatting message back with the answer to this question. Include a simple question that requires them to read your profile such as "What's my favorite color?
Messages That Emphasize Similarities Your similarities are the things you can bond over from the start of any type of relationship. Looks like we're the only two people in the world with a passion for narwhal conservation, maybe we should team up and talk strategy?
Hello fellow Dodgers fan. Did you catch that play last night? I just finished reading The President Is Missing too! Did you see that ending coming? I can't believe I found another person who's been to Chincoteague Island! What was your favorite place to explore? Is it creepy or cool that we're wearing the same t-shirt in our profile pictures? Leading With a Question Start the conversation off with an active request that includes a general interest question.
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I don't usually start off a post with the impact points right at the beginning. But I want to lay these out first -- because they're so vital to solid message writing -- and we'll get into the "whys" and the "hows" in a moment. I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little lighter up first.
This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader. A very well-spoken and clearly an educated guy, he sent me a message detailing a situation with a girl he knew and boy, was it detailed. I mean, it was long. Really long. I've been all too guilty of this myself -- sending super-long messages. And what I found was that I was often disappointed -- I'd put all this time and effort into a monster of a message, and then I'd get no response. There are a bunch of lessons I eventually took away from those experiences that I'll share with you today.
The basic gist of today's post is, basically, that this -- what we're about to talk about -- is how you write online dating messages and emails that don't get ignored and, in fact, get you exactly what you want: responses, phone numbers, dates, and success.
I like to be thorough, and I like to cover all the points. If you've read many articles on this site, I'm sure you already realize this. Problem is when you're talking to strangers. You know, people who don't know you from Jack -- you may be an exceptional human being, but they just don't know that yet.
So, you write out a really long, thorough, detailed message to someone, and you send it -- and she never writes back. Confused and maybe a little miffed, you write her off as obviously not realizing what an awesome guy you are. Obviously, she ain't that sharp of a gal to pass up a guy like you. One of the basics of investment and the Law of Least Effort is that, the more invested someone becomes in you, the more willing they are to invest more in you.
When your broker tries to hard sell Stock E at you, you're likely to just tune him out and tell him you want to invest in Stock A again, unless he presents his message exactly right. People are like this with all of their investing strategies. They prefer the known over the unknown; they stick with what they're comfortable with. Hence, the importance of solid email writing and online dating messages.
Without good, solid, effective message writing, you're going to be left out in the cold while people invest in things they already know -- instead of in you. And make no mistake, time is an investment.
And mental footwork is an investment. And if you make her work hard, and she isn't already invested in you, she's almost always going to simply not do so -- she just won't be willing to put the work in. When I got that long email from that reader, I took one look at it, then looked at all the other things I had to do this was when I was packing up, trying to finish up a number of things on my to-do list, and trying to get set for a 30 hour ride on the Transsiberian Railroad , and figured I'd try and get back to it later.
I didn't end up remembering to respond or having the time to skim it and write a proper response until today -- half a month later. And, try as I do to respond when I can, I probably have other long messages I've gotten that I've simply not had time to respond to when I got them and forgotten to ever go back to.
And women on the Internet aren't running their own websites, their own businesses, or trying to give back. They're just plain old looking for a guy they like. What that means for you is this:. If a girl passes over your message because it's too long, or too hard to figure out, or asks her to do too much mental footwork, she plainly and simply isn't going to circle back to it later.
We'll get into some examples in just a minute. Before we do though, let's take a quick look through the mechanics -- the nuts and bolts of how emails and online dating messages work. Well, it depends on the context, of course. But I'd say, keep it to two brief paragraphs maximum, with perhaps a one- or two-line goodwill statement at the end.
That means that that six paragraph novella you wrote for that cute girl from Match. com probably didn't get replied to because man , it was way too long! It doesn't matter how good of a writer you are. I consider myself a fairly good writer -- I've been writing for a pretty darn long time -- but when I first plunged into online dating a number of years back and shot girls a bunch of long messages, all of which were exceptionally well-written, of course, I got back diddly squat.
Now, that's not entirely true I did have a few girls reply back then. But it was always much more of an intellectual discussion, and a lot less of an, "Oh boy, it's on!
And the interest in the discussion usually petered out after a few messages and ran its course. And on top of that, the amount of time and effort I put into constructing those incredibly long messages simply wasn't justified by the meager returns they generated.
The second thing you need to pay attention to is helping her think. That means that questions like, "Tell me about yourself," are way too vague and are going to lead to women briefly scouring their brains for an answer, drawing a blank, and deciding to "come back to your message later" and then later never arrives. Leaving out a call to action is equally bad.
You'll notice at the bottom of this post there's a call for you to jump on my newsletter. That's on all my latest posts, many of the most popular ones, and I'm gradually going back and adding it to all earlier posts.
Because if I don't make it clear what a reader ought to do and make it easy to do it readers are unlikely to do it by themselves. It's too much mental footwork, and people -- everybody , just about -- want you to make things easy on them. If I told you, "Hey jump on my newsletter you've just got to head to this other page and fill out ten fields of information," you're going to think, "Nah, that's too much work.
If instead I say, "Put your email in RIGHT HERE and click the button and you'll get tons of awesome insights," though, well -- you're a lot more likely to say, "Sure, why not? Likewise, if you write a message to a girl that's devoid of calls to action -- clear, easy calls to action -- she's not going to know what to do with that message or if those calls are too complicated, she's going to feel unmotivated to comply and unless she's crazy into you, she isn't going to do a thing.
Lily, hey. That sounds like a wild experience you had with the apartment flood. I'm glad MY apartment is high enough in my building I don't have to worry about that! No big plans for the weekend; just hitting the beach on Sunday maybe. What say we head there together? I'll bring some food and we can do a picnic. Which message is more likely to get a useful response, that moves the interaction forward?
That's right; Message 2 is vastly more likely both to get a response, and to get a useful response. That's because it includes a clear call to action and it makes it a LOT easier for Lily to decide how to respond. The response Ted guides her to responding with is, "Sure, the beach sounds fun! What time do you want to meet? In Message 1 there's no clear way for Lily to easily respond back; she'll write a response if she's chasing very hard, but even then it isn't going to be the best kind of response; it'll most likely just awkwardly try to force rapport where no doors had been left open for it by Ted.
You need to make it easy for women and help them think to avoid ending up with message abandonment issues. Those three things will improve your reply rates to the messages you send so much you'll want to shake my hand.
Finally, walk a mile in her shoes. This should go without saying, but you'd be surprised how often messages get written without a guy stopping and considering how a girl will receive them. Still these days I'll be about to hit "Send" on an email or a message I'm sending to someone, and I'll stop, read through the message as someone else, and realize, "Whoa, this is still way too long, I need to cut out some paragraphs," or, "Oh man, I'm just talking about myself here this sounds totally self-absorbed and not like I have any consideration for them at all," and I'll go back and make edits.
Always take the time to imagine how you'd receive a message like the one you're sending if you received it from a stranger. If you'd feel a little annoyed at the length or the tone or you wouldn't know how to respond to it, you have some edits to make.
I'll note that while I don't talk about online dating a whole lot on here, I used to do it quite a bit as a supplement to meeting women in the real world. It's useful too for getting good at learning how to write to women and finding out what's effective and what isn't. I know, it's tempting when you read a great profile or find a girl you're REALLY excited about to write her a novel telling her everything about yourself and relating it back to her -- such a message can even feel like a masterpiece as you put it together -- but take it from me having written many such masterpieces in the past -- yeah, those don't work.
No matter how beautifully constructed such messages may be, no matter how much of a perfect match the two of you really are, a girl's going to see a monster message like that, and instantly click the "back" button.
You've also got to help her think and make it intellectually undemanding. Even if she's a Ph. She's going to hit "back" on that one too. And you've got to be thinking about what mindset she's going to be in while reading this. She's probably reading a ton of messages from men -- it's an online dating website, after all -- and she's hearing a lot of the same thing -- a lot of:. so you know she's getting tired of that.
So you also know you've got to be different, intriguing, and light -- she should enjoy getting a message from you. Hey Casey. Welcome to town; hope the locals haven't been too rough on you.
· Hello amazingness. You make me smile. That is all. You had me at online now. I want to be the reason you look into your phone and smile. I was more excited to see your There is no humor, no playfulness, and no intrigue. Online dating is extremely competitive, and this email example does absolutely nothing to stand out. The language choice comes across Put Your Best Message Forward. Getting started in online dating is all about taking the leap to send that first message, and these introduction lines for dating sites will help you open a · First Message Strategy #2: Introduce Yourself With a Twist. If a simple hello seems too safe and risk-free, you can be a little bit more adventurous should you wish. I often · During your time on st. kitts are some suggestions that can help you write a good earliest email, keeping your own personal design in mind will make sure your personal ... read more
The response Ted guides her to responding with is, "Sure, the beach sounds fun! In my experience with online dating, first messages where I asked the girl out were uncommon for me but I felt that in both the second and third first email example, it was the best option based off of the profile. Just as you would introduce yourself to someone in real life, start with a form of "hello" and the short version of why you're reaching out. You help her think -- telling her that you like her, without being overbearing about it; asking her how her test went, and then painting a rosy picture for her so she feels good even if it sucked; and including a call to action at the end. One of the basics of investment and the Law of Least Effort is that, the more invested someone becomes in you, the more willing they are to invest more in you.So it's got to be short. Ted Which message is more likely to get a response? By Melissa Mayntz. It's something you improve at with time, and it's something that if you remember to apply the fundamental rules of success to it, you'll maximize your chances of doing okay at from the outset. Hope to hear from you soon.